SENSNEWS

For nearly a month, Linus Ullmark’s absence had created a vacuum that was unfortunately filled by the worst parts of the internet.

Linus Ullmark Interview

We have spent the better part of the last three weeks checking notifications every hour, scrolling through the depths of Sens Twitter, and wondering if our starting goaltender was ever going to return to the blue paint in Ottawa.

When a player is listed as out for personal reasons, it usually signals a time for the community to rally around them with privacy and respect, but in the modern age of social media, that isn’t always how things play out.

Linus Ullmark Twitter Rumours

Instead of the quiet support Linus deserved, he was met with a whirlwind of stories that threatened to overshadow the very real and very human struggle he was navigating behind closed doors.

In his incredibly raw and candid sit-down with TSN’s Claire Hanna, Linus finally peeled back the curtain on a journey that started long before he even pulled a Senators jersey over his head. He addressed the reality of his mental health struggles and the specific moment everything finally boiled over.

Many fans might look at the life of a professional athlete and see only the millions of dollars and the glory of the NHL, but Linus reminded us that those things don’t provide an immunity to anxiety or depression.

He spoke about the pressure that had been building since his trade from Boston, a transition that brought with it the high expectations of a city desperate for stability in goal.

While there were plenty of positives in that move, there was also a heavy load of unresolved worries and internal battles that had never truly been dealt with in the right way. It was a reminder that no matter who you are, you can only carry a heavy cup for so long before it eventually starts to overflow.

That overflow happened on one of the biggest stages possible, during the December 27th matchup against the Toronto Maple Leafs. For those watching at home, it just looked like a rough night at the office for a goalie who had been struggling.

But for Linus, it was a terrifying physical manifestation of a mental crisis that had reached a breaking point. He revealed that he was battling severe anxiety problems and panic in the locker room between the first and second periods, feeling like he was losing his very sense of self.

It is almost impossible to fathom the level of mental strength it takes to stand in an NHL crease with thousands of fans screaming and elite shooters bearing down on you while your own mind is screaming even louder.

Ullmark admitted that he felt scared and that he simply wasn’t himself on the ice that night. It was the moment he realized that he couldn’t just “power through” anymore, leading him to make the incredibly difficult but necessary call to the NHL/NHLPA Player Assistance Program immediately after the game.

Ullmark spoke about how he had learned to deal with sadness and depression years ago when his father passed away, but this new wave of anxiety was a different beast entirely.

It made him second-guess every accomplishment in his ten-year career, leading to dark thoughts about whether he had wasted his life and his wife’s life by playing a game.

The decision to take a leave of absence was his way of reclaiming his life, but the aftermath of that decision was made infinitely harder by the “noise” that erupted on social media almost immediately after he left the team.

It took less than twenty-four hours for the rumour mill to start spinning out of control, and Linus didn’t hold back when expressing his disgust for the people responsible.

While he was away trying to heal, he was being blindsided by text messages from friends and family asking if he was okay because of “completely fabricated and false” stories circulating online.

The rumours ranged from locker room infidelities to claims that he was a pariah among his teammates, and the impact of those lies hit his family the hardest. He described the situation as “cowardly,” pointing out that people love to drag athletes down to their level because it’s easier than showing empathy.

It was a heartbreaking window into why so many professional athletes choose to stay silent about their emotions. When the cost of being honest is having your marriage and your character dragged through the mud by anonymous trolls.

However, amidst the toxic speculation, the support Linus received from within the Senators’ organization and his fellow players across the league was a total class act.

He spoke about the “incredible” statement released by Steve Staios and the front office, which forcefully defended his privacy and slammed the “lowest forms of trolls” who were spreading lies. Seeing his teammates like Brady Tkachuk and Tim Stützle get fired up in front of the microphones to defend him was emotional for Linus to watch from afar.

The Senators even went as far as bringing in his old goalie coach from his junior days, Maciej Szwoch, to help him find that spark and comfort level again. Linus mentioned that seeing the happiness on his teammates’ faces when he finally walked back into the facility made him incredibly emotional in the best way possible.

It was the moment the CTC stopped being a building he was afraid of and started being home again. He is doing a lot better now, but he was very clear that he isn’t rushing his return to game action until he feels entirely whole. He’s taking it one day at a time.